Things I Don’t Understand About the Fair

fair

We went to the fair this past weekend. The fair, like Walmart, is always an interesting place to go. And, like Walmart, there’s a lot I don’t really understand about the fair. For example:

1. Turkey Leg On a Stick
These things are ridiculously large.  There’s no glamorous way to eat one. I don’t recommend them for first date food. Unless you think smeared grease on your face is sexy.

2. Girls Who Dress Up
Ladies, this is not The Notebook. You won’t meet Ryan Gosling here. 

3. $6.00 a Ride
That’s three tokens each for a ride that’s shorter than

4. The Dentist’s Booth 
They always have a booth and talk about smoking and give free toothbrushes and stuff. Last year they had a giant molar tooth kids could write on with a dry erase marker then “clean off” with a dry erase wipe. This doesn’t teach my toddlers anything except to go home and color their teeth with a sharpie 

5. The House of Mirrors 
This isn’t a ride. Frankly, I don’t get it. You walk around a building with a bunch of weird shaped mirrors. It costs you four tokens. That’s $8 you wasted whej you could have done the same thing for free at Home Depot in the home section. IF you really want to make it worth peoples while throw in a few blows to chase people around. 

6. Paid Parking
$10 for parking. Because evidently the rides aren’t expensive enough. 

7. Funnel Cakes
Basically grease that’s so deep fried it’s crust turns into crust. Then it’s sprinkled with powdered sugar to ensure you lose the maximum affect of both your teeth and arteries. I get the forbidden treat thing but these things were being sold in Pizza boxes. Somewhere people should be investing stock in coronary angioplasty technology. 

8. The Ferris Wheel
This is by far the biggest rip off. First off you are not allowed to swing your bucket. Second, the entire ride is letting people off and on. You go all the way around once then basically turn around one car at a time. 

9. Inflatable Prizes
Over 70% of the prizes I saw at the last fair were inflatable. I don’t want these because:

A. They’re cheap. 
B. My kids will have them popped by the time we get to the car. 
C. I didn’t blow it up and I have no idea where your mouth has been. 

If I’m paying over $20 just to play the squirt gun game why would I want an inflatable snake? Make this worth my while because for $30 more dollars I can by pass the rigged milk bottle game or the fixed basketball hoops go to the humane society and get a kitten—First shots, chipped and spade or neutered included. Always soya or neuter your pet. 

10. Stilt Guy
Does anyone know if this is a main character on American Horror Story: Circus? Because if not, it should be.

Still, it’s an entertaining place to go on a warm summer night. A place where kids can have fun, families can make memories,and girls can dress up in their best sequins—you know, for Ryan Gosling. Dreaming of their notebook-esque evening, but really ending up with a face full of funnel cake instead. 

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