1. Kate Parlin, Writer at Shakespeare’s Mom, Non-Morning-Person, and Mom of Three
7:15 Check to make sure the twins have extra underwear in their backpacks. They don’t. They do have a plastic eggplant and an acorn…
2. Rachel Cashen, First-Time-Mom of a Newborn Baby
7:00 Shower at warp speed, thinking I hear baby screaming the whole time. Turns out it was auditory hallucinations due to lack of sleep…
3. Katie, A Working Mom and writer at Mom in Leggings
7:30 Clothes are on. Hand her tooth brush, while I start going after her snarled hair with a comb. Two-year-old decides to brush bathroom mirror with her toothbrush. Then decides to brush the faucet with her toothbrush…
4. Christina, A Mediocre Housewife
6:00 Kids jump in our bed then fight over who gets to lay on the left side of Daddy. Daddy escapes into the shower and leaves both girls who are now fighting over who gets the right corner of a blanket…
This winter, spring, summer and fall toddlers everywhere are wearing nothing and everything. Sometimes at the same time. In layers. The distinctive and colorful hand printed techniques that cover their hair and face shout “youth” as they stand front and center while jumping on the dining room table.
Here are a few of this year’s biggest toddler inspired fashion hits: [Read more…]
It’s approximately 92,960,000 miles from Earth to the sun. That’s about four miles less than the distance between you and anything you drop on the floor during the final weeks of pregnancy.
Picking my kids up from preschool
Never are my kids more excited to see me than when I pick them up from the educational prison I dropped them off at x amount of hours before. For about twelve seconds, I’m a celebrity.
A pregnant woman spends 10 out of 10 doctor visits washing her hands because of urine samples. Peeing in urine sample cups after 36 weeks should be an Olympic event. The sheer amount of skill, and patience that it takes to get anything inside this cup would have to be the result of years of dedicated training.
The trouble with this is the size of a third-trimester belly and the actual lack of size of this cup. It’s like trying to get a single drop of urine on the head of a pin with a blindfold on. The art of cup peeing dates back to whenever they discovered that:
Even if you go to BabyCenter’s due date calculator it says:
“Congratulations you are due on or around: [insert unconfirmed date here]”
That’s the same as saying:
“Congratulations at some point you will have your baby.”
Once upon a time, a ship carrying some men, women, and children spent 66 days traveling the Atlantic Ocean. Intending to land where present day New York City is, the group ran into:
- Windy conditions.
- Too many kids asking if they were there yet.
- Rough seas.
- 56 kids rattling Ziploc baggies, for 135 consecutive miles.
- Clinically insane amounts of Caillou reruns.
A lot of people never seem to know when or if they are ever ready to have kids. The answer to that question is that unless you were born to raise babies, it’s hard to say. I mean, it’s not quite the same as raising cattle or sheep. Although the noises and smells are pretty similar.
So, if you’re someone who has always wondered how to know if you should have kids, here’s a little to quiz to help you out, and see if you’re ready for the demands of parenting:
Halloween, I’m not a fan.
That’s right. I don’t like it at all.
I’m all for fun Halloween decor. I’m all for my kids dressing up and taking them door to door for candy they can, and will, eat for breakfast. However, I’m not a fan of being scared. Or a fan of the dark. Or a fan of being scared in the dark. Or a fan of Halloween after ten at night, because it’s dark, and that’s most likely the time someone will knock on my door and:
A third-trimester belly looks just like rubber and nothing rolls better than things that are round and rubbery.
Being a parent brings doing ridiculous things to a whole new level. Not because when you have kids these things are no longer ridiculous, it just means that it’s okay to do them now. You know, because you have kids.
“If you don’t start listening, I’m going to stop talking.”
Said the mom to the toddlers who aren’t listening.
His hearing is improving daily, which means he hears everything that’s going on in our house. This makes me 99 percent sure he will pass his due date in the hopes of avoiding the constant daily drama over who gets to wear the princess pink dress up slippers.
My friend Kate, the mastermind behind the hilariously relatable and often heartwarming blog, Shakespeare’s Mom, was kind of enough to take some time out of her hectic day to answer some questions I had on what it’s really like mothering three children. Here’s our correspondence:
With only seven weeks left until my due date, I’ve had a lot of growing concerns over managing three children. Or herding—whatever it’s called at this point.
Having been around this block already, I thought you might be the best person to handle the answers to my deepest parental concerns regarding my husband and I officially being outnumbered by our children. So, if you don’t mind I’ve written a few questions that have been weighing on my mind:
1. How do you take care of the needs of a newborn when it clashed with the needs of your toddlers? Is this one of those times as a parent when it’s totally acceptable to pour cereal on the table and just let your kids have at it?
2. How do you get everyone ready and then have time to get yourself ready? Is this one of those times in life where you just have to get ready after the middle of the night feedings or it’s a lost cause? Is this when Chapstick becomes an acceptable form of lipstick? [Read more…]
I’ve used the cat to wipe water spills off the floor.